December 1, 2011
10:12 AM
Patrick Archbold
You look like crap. Sickly. Weak. Pathetic.
Would you ever say such a thing directly to someone? I doubt it.
However, a curious thing comes over people when speaking to a person who has lost a significant amount of weight.
Over the past 7 months or so, I have lost almost 70lbs. Of course, that makes a big difference in my appearance. But the truth is, I was over 70lbs overweight. Simple math indicates that I still have some weight to lose, not much but some, maybe 10 lbs. Trust me when I tell you that this will not put me in the Christian Bale/Machinist category. This is still just regular weight loss.
So the language that people use to describe my appearance surprises me. But it seems like it's only ok to speak to people this way when they are losing weight. And I am not talking about family members. My brother Matt calls me a skeleton or some such thing because he is fat and jealous with a mean streak. That doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is the language people who are mere acquaintances and/or work colleagues will use when speaking to me.
The other day, a guy I am friendly with in the office told me not to lose any more weight because I look sickly. Sickly, he said. Another woman at the coffee machine asked me if I plan to lose any more weight. I said "Just a few pounds. Maybe ten, we'll see." She answered back, "Oh no, don't do that. You won't look good." All the while she was shaking her head and looking at me with a mix of pity and disgust. I could give several more examples of this kind of odd behavior.
Why, when people are losing weight, is it ok to comment negatively on somebody's appearance. Could you imagine telling someone at work, "I wouldn't put on 10 more pounds if I were you, 'cause you will look like crap." Or "Boy, you are getting plump. You look sickly." If you said such a thing, people would consider you extremely rude and HR would swoop down on you faster than Michael Moore on a box of donuts.
So why is it that when people lose weight, it is suddenly considered within the bounds of good manners to tell them they look like crap?
Maybe I look like crap and maybe I don't, but keep your opinions to yourself.
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13 hours ago
3 comments:
Ironic that I would see this post today. I just posted at my blog Free Spirit Haven called Is This Really Me? ...How come no one ever told me I was sickly when I was over 125 lbs. over weight? I was healthy than?...I get the same thing quite often. "Are you sick?" "I hope your not going to lose anymore weight."..."Are you healthy?'..I guess I was healthy when I was obese?...go figure!!
Ha! I'm just starting to get back in shape after baby one. I've lost a significant amount of weight before and I can't tell you how many of my bar customers told me I looked emaciated, too thin, and/or anorexic. Meanwhile, I know I looked fantastic!
Congratulations on your weight loss. It's a lot of hard work and so frustrating when people get concerned about your difference in appearance. I think they are afraid that you will be different inside as well and that maybe you won't have as many things in common with them anymore.
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